TIMFA Express
Anger in Relationships Part 2
The Expression of Anger in Relationship
In part one of this series on anger in relationships, we defined anger as a feeling or emotion that ranges from mild irritation to intense rage. Anger is an automated expression of emotions like frustration, fear, low self-esteem, and a means of communication. The main take-away from part 1 of the series is that while anger is normal, it can become problematic when it is uncontrolled or unmanaged. Please note that behind every expression of anger is a deeper message.
The Source of Anger
We also discussed why some people express their frustration mildly, while others stomp their feet and pacing around over the same situation? You may have heard people ask, why is he/she always angry? And some people say, “anger runs in their blood or family” I often hear my clients say, “my folks are angry people” as if to say that anger is their family business. Anger is a learned behavior, but the good thing is that whatever is learned can be unlearned. Anger can be managed; yes, angry people can become peaceful people.
The Expression of Anger
This leads us to part 2 of the 5-part series on anger in relationship. Which is the expression of anger. Just as anger is a natural expression of our feelings and emotions, nature gave us subtle signs to know when we are angry, or about to be angry. If we pay attention, we may be able to measure the severity of the anger, whether it’s mild or a raging, uncontrollable outburst. Whether it is shaking our legs, changing color, twitching our eyes, pacing around, sweating palms, elevation of blood pressure, increased heartbeat, or inability to speak, being aware of our anger cues is the prerequisite to managing anger and coping with anger issues. Understanding how you or your loved one express anger will help you to live in peace and escape physical harm from someone with anger issues.
Expression of Anger in Relationship
Anger in relationship deserves special attention because in no other situation is anger frequently expressed and devastatingly destructive than in marriage. It destroys the very essence of marriage like love, care and intimacy. Anger and resentment can kill marriage because of three factors: Proximity, Opportunity and Longevity.
Proximity: In most marriages you are within an arm’s length of your spouse, an earshot of your spouse, or a phone call of your spouse 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 30 days a month, and 365 days a year. Marriage can be the most intense (sometimes suffocating and annoying) relationship ever.
Opportunity: Proximity creates opportunity to love, be loved and be offended. In marriage, two individuals are literally tied together for a long time trying to solve real life problems with divergent ideas, personalities, values and sense of urgency. In practical terms, the mathematical equation in marriage can be problematic because the number two is a mathematical impossibility when it comes to agreement. There is no one to break ties when you disagree. The only solution for couples is to come to agreement or submit to a third party (God) as a referee or arbiter. You cannot do marriage without the maker of marriage!
Longevity: Can you imagine being with an angry person or a person with anger issues for the rest of your life? Whether you married an angry person or a person who became angry after marriage, understand that anger and resentment are two deadly destiny killers that must be avoided in every relationship.
Anger in Relationship
In part 3 of the series on Anger and relationship we will discuss the importance of having an emotionally healthy and balanced marriage and relationship as we inch toward how to manage anger. Marriage is about two individuals working together. Your partner is either a drag or a drive, if we cannot be our best, we cannot bring our best in to our marriage.
God bless you!
Vic and May Victor,
Presidents of The Institute for Marriage and Family Affair. (TIMFA)
Two joined together can make it forever.
For additional help, how to become a Certified Mental Health and Addiction Counselor, or Marriage Mentor and Certified Relationship Coach go to https://bit.ly/2JOWdlE
