Friday 19 January 2018
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How Did I Get Myself So Tied Up?

 I was thinking, if anything happened to my wife, I’m pretty much toast. Over the last 30 years, since we met in college, dated, courted and got married, I have succeeded in tying myself so inextricably tight that nothing can untie this knot. My life is so intertwined with her life that it is almost impossible to extract me from her or extract her from me. I have wondered how I got myself so tied up that I can’t untie myself. A few times that I was upset with her, I tried to leave, but after 30 minutes, I did not know where to go. I am used to going from work to home and back to work. I then concluded that this is what marriage means. Anything less will be less than marriage.

It seems to run in my family and her family. My dad tied himself so tight to my mother and after 60 years of

Sunset in Kagga Kamma 2014

Sunset in Kagga Kamma 2014

marriage, he is helpless without her and feel hopeless with her. They share jokes, laugh, eat sometimes but argue a lot but they rather be with each other than somewhere else. My wife’s parent did the same thing until my mother in law passed away a few years ago. My dad is now more like my mom and mom talks like my dad. This is scary!

If we really try we can separate our bodies.In fact many people have done that through divorce. Even though I wonder whether it is possible recreate the bliss and blisters of marriage. I know that many are trying recreate marriage with someone other than their first but I also know that 41% of second marriages fail within five years of contracting them. In fact 10% of second marriages fail within one year! If you do the math, it means that all second marriage end within 10 years and after that the parties are back to square one.

You can separate the spirits because the spirits are really never one. But how do you separate two merged souls especially when the souls have had 20 – 30 years of bliss, pain, passion, excitement and memories like the rock climbing we did a few days ago, our visit to grand canyon and the memories of our mission outreach to Uganda?

What about the chemistry, the spontaneity and the intimacies. Hehehehe, if I tell you some of the things we have done to ourselves and with ourselves in the confines of our bedroom, some of you may call the cops. What do you then do with those memories when you try to separate the bodies? Suppress them?, recreate them?; try something new? Ah, it is indeed impossible to separate what God has joined together? Marriage is about dying

to self. How then can you revive a dead man or woman?


If marriage is about dying, then reviving the dead man or woman and recreating those fun memories with another person will be like coming back to life from death and dying all over again in a new marriage. Scary, scary stuff!!

That’s why I said I’m toast without my wife. I may not mind coming back to life from death but I can’t imagine dying again. If you are married, you too may be toast without your spouse.