“I will Fight for my Husband and my Marriage…”
On April 9, 2004, an Army convoy came under heavy attack near Baghdad Airport, and when the dust settled, the unit was missing nine people – two soldiers and seven civilian drivers. One of the soldiers was found dead, while Specialist Matt Maupin was captured. A few days later, Maupin was shown on Al-Jazeera television by the enemies.
The army started searching for Specialist Maupin immediately after the attack, painstakingly following every tip, digging every possible burial place with the best equipment in the world, conducting all kinds of investigation and hoping for the best even when all leads went dead.
Year after year, soldier after soldier, deployment after deployment and unit after unit, the army kept searching, not spearing any resource in searching for Specialist Maupin. Finally, on March 20, 2008 the remains of Specialist Matt Maupin was found north of where the soldiers had previously searched and brought home to his family.
Many of us can’t understand the risk and expense invested in searching for an obviously dead colleague. The civilians will never understand the Army’s commitment to finding the remains of their comrade. It will never make sense to a disinterested bystander but it makes all the sense in the world to the Army and the family of Specialist Matt. Maupin. I later asked a retired military officer why soldiers seem to “go crazy” on their missing comrade” The officer replied “We are the United States Army; we took an oath not to leave one of our own behind. We will never leave a fallen comrade behind”
I came home and thought about it. I too took an oath. You too took an oath. No one can diminish the life and death situation that soldiers go through in war fronts and no one can even successfully compare it to anything else but marriage is also in a war front in the 21st century. You only need to look around before you see couples under fire, families in disarray, wives bearing scars from the war and husbands licking their wounds from the battles of marriage. For the children the trauma is a dysfunctional life.
Yes, every married couple took an oath and made a vow. It may not be to the level or intensity of the warrior’s ethos of the soldiers but our vows and oath was witnessed by the Most High God, the creator of the heaven and earth, the consuming fire!
“We are the saved, sanctified and commissioned army of the Most high God. We should never leave one of our own behind”. We too took an oath that we will be married for better or for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health” If people do not understand and approve of the soldiers commitment to their comrades, people are less likely to understand or approve of our commitment to our marriage or to our spouse.
I was still in that trajectory of thought when a woman sent me a message that simply said, “Sir [,] my husband left me and our two children for another woman. I want to fight for my husband and my marriage. Will you and your wife help me? I said, madam, Do you want to fight FOR your husband or do you want to fight your husband that left you for another woman? She replied “Sir, I am fighting FOR my husband and my marriage. Me and my husband are on the same side. He’s just confused right now but I will not leave him behind”.
I said , “Madam, we are the Saved Sanctified and Commissioned Army of the Most High God. We never leave our own behind. I am at your service ma’am!”
Dr Vic Victor and May Victor are the founders of Twogether For Ever, a relationship platform for inspiration, instruction, encouragement and correction on matter of relationship and marriage. www.twogetherforever.org.